George W. Bush may not be directly responsible for it, but undeniably he has done everything within his power to sustain the semantic clarity necessary to make it possible. The “it,” of course, is the happily fresh Chrimerican missionary effort—One Night with the King. Hackneyed acting, pedestrian directing and banal screen-writing aside, One Night with the King is an ideological triumph. Courageously anachronistic, the words and ideas of Chrimericans like Thomas Jefferson and Jesus Christ are never-too-frequently weaved together and set seamlessly upon the tongues and within the hearts of fourth century B.C.E. Jews. Indeed, chronological nuance is only one of many volunteers nobly sacrificed for the survival of clarity and polarizing generalizations. For it is in the story of Esther that we see our very own Republican selves—a battered minority caught up in the struggle between good and evil, helplessly on the right side of the never-ending conflict between the divinely inspired witness of American democracy, and Arabish Nazis bent on death, destruction, and what they retardedly call “justice.” Indeed, the story of Esther is one that resonates well with Americans, for in the end democracy triumphs and God’s people are given the right to bear arms. If not for its purely aesthetic qualities, Ameristian Chrimericans everywhere ought to enjoy this two week evangelism window opened up by Jesus Christ’s own One Night with the King. (In addition, military personnel who are not non-Christians can use One Night with the King as a recruitment aid for the armed services.) Unthinking NCAs (non-Christian Americans) are just sitting around waiting for YOU to hand them their movie tickets to heaven, so act now! It may have only just opened, but I suspect that one more night with One Night with the King is going to be too much for liberal Hollywood to handle.

[This review is scheduled to be published in the upcoming November 1 edition of "The Insider," a fortnightly e-newsletter put out by The Wittenburg Door. Click here to subscribe to this newsletter.]